A E I O U

It sure has been quite a bit, hasn't it? So I guess just stay a while and listen.

I wanted to broach the topic of words today. It's been on my mind the last couple of days, because it's a strange thing, isn't it? That humans decided on what to use as words, just a series of sounds strung together. But that they still mean so much, that they can make you feel so much.

Words can make you happy, sad, upset, or anything else, really. It's a very strange thing to think about if you look at it like that. People always say actions speak louder than words, but I believe that words can have more power than actions often of times. That they can have a longer lasting effect, be that positive or negative.

And then there's even the subject of the lack of words. When a person doesn't talk to you, it suddenly hurts. Why is that? We know words can make us feel things, but how come the absence of words can make us feel just as much? We value words very highly, but there's plenty of situations where words aren't necessary to get the message across, or to explain your actions.

Holding your lover in your arms as they cry is a good example for a situation where you don't need to use any words. Giving a smile of appreciation, a nod to a stranger you see on the street, these are all non-verbal ways for us to communicate and where words don't need to be said. And is that because we make up the words in our own head when it happens or is it simply because we understand the actions and intent behind it all?

To change gears a bit, even now, as you're reading this (well, I hope someone at least is!) my words are making you think about things, maybe even making you feel certain emotions as you think back of those scenarios and possible memories and remember how things made you feel.

Words have a very strong impact on people. And the worst of all? You can never take back what you said.

Telling of tales

I've been mulling over this post for quite a while now. I feel like it's a little bit out of the norm of what I usually write about, which makes it quite tricky to put it into words while also still trying to respect privacy and keeping some distance between the internet and life itself.

With that said, however, I want to go ahead and make an attempt to do so.

As I've mentioned in several posts in the past, I've been struggling financially and living in poverty for quite the longest time now. I would like to open up a bit about that and give some more insight into my situation. But don't worry, things finally seem to be over and are in the upswing again.

Anyhow, to not dance around the subject any longer, it all started back on July 28th of 2012, so that's quite a while ago. My mom called me up from Serbia, where her and my dad live, and she told me quite some terrible news: my old man was in prison.

For my American audience the crime might seem more harsh than what it would be for, say, Dutch people. But to sum it up: he got caught with 2 KG (that's 4.4 lbs for you US folks) of weed. To put that into perspective of how much laws differ country to country; in the Netherlands you would get a slap on the wrist and you would be forced to some community work.

But Serbia looks at it completely differently. Over there, the minimum jail sentence is 3 years and it can go as high as 12. So as you can imagine, for someone who lives in the Netherlands, this all sounds quite absurd. Because it meant best case it would mean he'd be locked up for 3 years.

At the end of it all, he got 3 years, 3 months and 3 days. Luckily, due to laws and some more complicated stuff, he's getting out on March 6th 2014.

So, the reason poverty started after that is due to the fact that the old man's income got cut off along with all the extra money he funneled back here. I don't want to go into details as to how I stayed afloat for so long or how terrible the times were, because this is not a sob story. It really isn't. Promise. But let's just say that it was very rough and I ended up losing 23 KG (50 lbs) due to simply not having a lot to eat.

With that in mind as well, I would also like to thank all my friends who have helped me out during this time. I hope I expressed it enough to them in person, but if not, then let it be publicly known that each and every one of you are literal life savers.

But I digress--things were manageable during the early months of his sentence, mostly talking about the first 8 months or so. But then more bad news came my way, which was even more unexpected than the phone call I got from my mom back in July. Due to a chain of random coincidences, on April 6th 2013 I ended up discovering than my now-ex had been having an affair behind my back for 3 months.

Again, I don't want to go into details because this post does not exist to shame or call people out in a bad way. The circumstances don't really matter, the bottom line is that I was devastated and fell into quite a deep depression. I picked up smoking, sleep turned into a weekly thing and taking care of oneself was never on the agenda.

Once more, I want to regurgitate that I have amazing friends who were there for me whenever I needed them, no matter what day or time it was, who helped me through a lot of it.

Quite honestly, the next couple of months were a bit of a blur and I don't remember much of it, just that things kept getting worse and worse, financially and health-wise. But this brings me to the meat of the post, ironically, all the way towards the end of it; July 4th 2013, almost a year after my dad had been locked up, I ended up going on Omegle out of sheer boredom.

I can't really answer why I went there, let alone why I stuck around disconnect after disconnect just for being male. But really, did I have anything better to do? No, I didn't. So I kept going from person to person, not really getting past the any kind of introduction before people scurried off in search for the other sex.

But, good things come to those who wait. At least, that's what I'd say if it didn't sound so cheesy. But I finally found someone to talk to, and against all odds, it turned out to be a girl. Now, of course, I wouldn't be typing this if it just ended there. So you guessed it, we ended up adding each other on Skype afterwards and have kept contact ever since.

And for those with an even keener eye, who have been reading between the lines (or I guess, blog posts in this case) can now connect some dots of certain posts. And for those who can't or have simply forgotten my older posts, it simply comes down to me falling head over heels for her.

Now, I won't go on about how amazing or great I think she is, because this post is getting awfully long already, so I'll skip the gushing and fawning. But rest assured, she's brilliant. You're just going to have to trust me on that.

Of course, as mentioned earlier, this story actually has a happy ending. For her and I have been serious for quite some time now, and I can genuinely say that I'm a much happier person since I've had the pleasure of meeting her. Now, no one knows what the future holds, but as the Magic 8 Ball would say: "Outlook good."

So, to the special lady out there: Thank you.

The Hunger Games - Catching Fire - Reviewed

Whoo, more reviews! As always, spoilers!

Catching Fire

As with many of the movies I watch, I haven't read the books. So I apologize if I come off as ignorant to certain things.

Let me immediately get out of the way that I vastly preferred the first movie to this one. This one builds waaaaay more plot than the first one, sure. But at the same time, that cliff-hanger at the end is quite bad if you know that you'll get to see the rest 2 years or so from now. It's great for the fans of the book, but not if people haven't read it.

So, again, it's great for the plot, but as a "stand-alone" movie it's a bad thing. Admittingly, this'll stop being a problem once the third one is out and you can just watch it right after, but for now, it gets points deducted for it.

The acting, like last time, was great. All the roles were very believable, and it's a nice spin to make actors act in a movie, because when they do it right (which they did) it makes it even more believable and relatable.

The things I didn't like about the movie were not that big of a deal. I didn't like how the movie skipped ahead one year and nothing really had happened in that one year. Katniss and Gale were still so-so about each other and their relationship seemed to develop most (or rather, mostly crash and burn, really) during the small time frame of the movie. Other than that, they both got a decent house but that's about it.


Don't get me wrong, I get why the skipped ahead a year, otherwise it would've been a dull period of waiting for the games to start. But I think they could've done with a time-skip or two of several months as well, if only to explain the changes happening in their lives, the rioting and the districts. I mean, isn't it weird that their victory-tour happens almost an entire year later?

Anyway, I digress. The other dislike I have is how mediocre the actual games were this time around. I mean, I get it, they were planning a rebellion and all that, but half of the candidates weren't in on it. And that aside, if you have access to all the weapons/supplies, and have a ranged marksman on your side. Why would you EVER leave the island in the middle?

Oh, and finally, poison should not be curable by water. Period. Either don't make it poison or make a sponsor send antidotes. Anything other than water would've been fine.

The music was good and appropriate. Not much else to say about it, really.

This probably happened in the book, so it would make sense to translate it over to the movie, but I liked how they changed the arena and the training-station in general. At the very least, it shows they're not lazy and just looking to save on budget.

All in all, it's a movie more focussed on plot. It falls short in some aspects, but overal it's worth watching if you liked the first movie. I would give it a 7.5 out of 10. The score might've been higher had it not been for the cliff-hanger at the end.

Ender's Game - Reviewed

It's been a while since I've done one of these. So let's give it another go, shall we? Just like the last two, spoilers are probably ahead!

Ender's Game

Let me start by saying I'm just an average movie go-er and I haven't read the book at all, so keep that in mind if I complain or mention something that has been explained in the books.

Ender's Game was a great movie. I feel a bit conflicted about the child actors, because while they were good, they weren't great. So if I were to compare them to adults, they were alright, but I think the movie would have been better if we had adults; because let's face it, there weren't many child-specific moments in the scene that could not have been done by adults.

I only have a couple of gripes with the movie, really. To get a small one out of the way first, I hated how right before the final showdown in the tournament of the games, one of the recruits on Ender's team twisted his ankle and had to be conviniently replaced (which turned out to be permanent, apparently) by Petra. You don't need to use your ankle to walk in zero-G, damn it.

As for the second one, I disliked how time was irrelevant in the movie. At one point you hear Bonzo mention "At this rate, I'll make it to command school in 6 months." but I got the impression that Ender was advancing in mere weeks, not years or months as it's made out to be.

And finally, just the overal shoe-horned relationship with his sister/family, it felt out of place. It also felt out of place how the enemy tried to communicate with him through his dreams and the video game. Plus it begs the question: How the hell did no one find that egg while building the place. IT'S RIGHT OUTSIDE.

As for the good things, I enjoyed how Ender was portrayed. That with being smart/whatnot usually means you're an outcast when it comes to children, because they're often run by emotion and can't see the bigger picture of how meaningless that is when you're being trained for war.

The soundtrack fit the movie well, no score really stands out to me in memory, but that's how I usually am with movies.

And I have to give very big props to the ending; I remember thinking very clearly with 40 minutes or so left "How are they going to finish this simulation training, fight the war, win, and do a victory scene? Please don't tell me they'll just squeeze the war in a 5-10 minute battle and be done with it." So I was very pleasantly surprised when I found out the simulations were the actual war rather than, you know, simulations.

I don't know if that's how it was in the book, but if not, that's a great way to deal with a rushed ending in a movie, if you ask me.

All in all, I would rate the movie a 8 out of 10. It would've bumped a bit higher hadn't it been for those couple of pet peeves and adult actors. But definitely a great movie, would recommend watching it greatly.

Swelling with...

You know the feeling you sometimes get about someone else? The one that starts from within you, making you swell, and when it does happen, you can't help but let the other person know? Being proud of someone is a very interesting feeling.

What? Did you think I was talking about something else? Pervert.

Anyway, the reason as to why I think it's interesting is because why does it really happen? Usually it comes up in a situation where the other person stepped out of the comfort zone, and did something they usually wouldn't do, right? But why does that makes us feel good? When we feel pride in something we do, it's usually related to an accomplishment or something you feel good about making/doing.

So why, generally speaking, isn't the same applied when feeling proud of other people? It's not an on-going thing, usually. It happens once in the moment when they do it, and generally after that it becomes "normal" for them to do it again. Why is this?

But, to take a step back with this, where does pride come from? Do we feel proud about other's accomplishments because we didn't expect them they could do it, but wanted them to be able to? Is it because we imagine us in their shoes, thus feeling good about ourselves and them? But if it's the former, isn't that technically a bad thing? Because you're expecting them to not be able to do something--shouldn't you always have a positive attitude in regards to what your loved ones can accomplish?

Either way, just another ramble coming from me, I had no idea where I was really going with this. I think I just wanted to make the initial joke with this post.

Looking back

As another year rolls by, it reminded me of how it is to look back on things in life. And not just a year or anything like that, but over a long period of time.

Sometimes, while you're in the moment of something in your life, it feels great. Maybe even shortly after that it can still feel great. We've all experienced this, we all know this too well.

But is that really how things were? Were they really as great as you remember them to be, or is that you just tricking yourself because you don't want to remember things being bad? After all, if you remember things being bad, wouldn't you have sort-of just wasted your time with them? Of course, this mostly applies to things such as school, work, relationships, etc.

I've been personally mulling things over lately, and I've drawn that conclusion. Things weren't as great as they seemed at the time, and it took me a lot of perspective and a fresh breath on things to actually realize that. Now, by no means does this mean nothing was ever good, far from it. It just means that at the end of the day, you want to be happy. And you'll jump through hoops to convince yourself that you are happy, rather than accept facts sometimes.

Or maybe it's that things were never bad? Maybe, just maybe, you move on to a better point in your life and things just seem bad in comparison, because you're used to so much better. A good example of this would be an abusive relationship, or finding a job that you actually love.

Either way, whatever the case may be, cherish the good moments you have but don't hide the bad ones by lying to yourself.

Happy New Year everyone, here's to a better 2013 2014!

Gamebites

Short post!

Gamesbites is a Dutch (very important part, this!) blog/website that does podcasts alongside Youtube videos (let's plays) about video games and video game related news.

Check it out, they're awesome!

Gamebites

Off the grid

Geez, talk about suddenly disappearing, right?

To sum it up, life got a little bit hectic, worked a couple of days at a casino (but saving that lovely story for another time!) and then financial problems kicked in and my internet got shut off.

Fun, fun, fun!

Either way, it's not back by any means, I just have kind enough neighbours who'll let me borrow their wi-fi in the meantime. I knew it would pay off to always greet them in the hallway!

So, the long and short of it is that blogging should resume as normal starting now.

Totally wish I had GTAV, though.

Bouncing around

Rebound. Everyone is familiar with that word, be it through their own experience or seeing it happen in front of their eyes. Maybe you've been a rebound to someone before? Either way, it's not a word we're strangers with.

But what does it mean, really? What qualifies someone as a rebound? Is it a time period after your relationship has ended? Is it just the next thing that comes along afterwards? Does it qualify as a rebound if it's not a short fling, though? When does it stop being a rebound and turn into actual affection and a 'real' relationship?

Moreover, when you're in the rebound phase, how can you tell? Does your brain know when you're simply using someone as a rebound? Or are you just blinded by the fact that you miss your old relationship? And if not, if you're totally oblivious to it being a rebound, can it really be called a rebound then? After all, it feels just like the real thing.

And to jump back a tiny bit, let's say the rebound turns into something more than a short fling, and you break up after a year or two, does it still count as a rebound at that point or not?

I think what it comes down to, is after your relationship ends, for whatever reason, you look for a replacement. Any sign of affection from anyone goes straight to the heart and you can't get enough of it. And after a while, you might realize if you two click or not. If you do, it stops being a rebound and a fling, but if it doesn't, it ends, and ends up qualifying as a fling/rebound.

Either way, that's enough rambling for now. Let me know what you think.

Streaming!

So a friend and I tried our first hand at streaming last night. It was great fun, I have to say. Experienced some slight technical difficulties the first half hour to hour or so, but once we figured out the problem it was quickly sorted out.

We ended up settling for Lara Croft and the Guardian of Light. Seemed like a perfect nice game to start out with, co-op and all.

I definitely want to make this a regular thing, whenever there's time for it. Now I suppose it's time to actually get some art work and banners done for the while thing, to make it look al nice, right? Right.

Link to the stream is here.

And the Youtube channel is here.

The night is dark...

What is it about night time that makes humans think and contemplate?

Now, I'm not talking people who work night shifts exclusively and basically flipped the switch from day to night. But I mean when you can't sleep or just have to stay up late for one thing or another. Hell, even sometimes when just laying in your bed.

Why do we take this time to think about things? To reflect on the past and make plans for the future? But the weird thing about it is, it's generally very serious or gloomy, isn't it? We always think about the life questions, about the scary future or often about the things we regret.

Why is this? Is it because night time makes us assume the world is more depressing? The sun is gone, so the fun must be as well? It's a hard question to answer because there's things such as clubbing that only start once the night hits, so it can't be that. And what about the people mentioned earlier who flipped a switch? Wouldn't they be depressed and serious all the time, then?

Hell, even this post stems from the same problem. It's night time and your mind wanders to all the serious things in your life. One of my favorite activities is to sit on the window sill as music softly plays in the background, cigarette in hand and just looking outside--at life going on.

The Wolverine - Reviewed

Double header!

Well, sort-of. But whatever, just roll with it. As per the last entry, spoilers!

The Wolverine

What else can I really say here? It's more-or-less another origin story. Or rather a continuation thereof. This time it follows the Mariko storyline, but it was quite abrupt and out of nowhere, especially so when everything was cut short. The arc is still incomplete, but I doubt they'll ever go back to it. Especially judging by the scene after the credits.

The acting was overal good. I'm glad they hired proper speaking Japanese people rather than forcing English people to learn the lines and mispronounce everything. Which is why I'm also glad Hugh Jackman barely said a word in Japanese, either. Some scenes/lines bugged me here and there, but overal it's what you would expect from a Wolverine movie.

Though, with that said, I think it's also one of its gripes. It wasn't as actioned packed as I would've liked it to be. There was a lot of build-up, if you ask me. But it all led to pretty much... nothing. The action scenes were very subpar and short. Hell, the best one, in my opinion, was on the train, and to make the matter worse, it was against a random Yakuza grunt. And most of that you even see on the trailer.

I was also very disappointed by the lack of other mutants. I mean, sure, there's the Viper chick, but she wasn't really impressive or a proper antagonist. Speaking of antagonist, it seemed very much so like the movie couldn't decide who they wanted it to be. Was it the grandfather? Was it the Viper chick? Was it the dad? Make up your mind, movie! It all becomes clear by the end, of course, but until then it's a rollercoaster ride.

I can't really comment much on the soundtrack as I don't remember any of it. So I guess it was just your run of the mill music and ambiance. Which is fine, there weren't really any epic moments or whatnot to throw a good score underneath it. The 3-D was also very disappointing, I literally didn't notice a single effect. This is more a gripe with the industry as a whole of late, but this was a typical example of just wanting to milk out the extra buck for the glasses.

Overal I'm disappointed with the movie. And this is coming from someone who liked the previous Wolverine movie. I'd give it a 4 out of 10. If you're a fan I'd give it a rental, but that's about it.

Pacific Rim - Reviewed

As the title already says, I'm going to give it a knack to review a movie. Now, I do have to say I've never done it before, so I apologize if it's totally stupid and whatnot. And, of course, spoilers! But without further ado:

So, Pacific Rim.

Let me just start off by saying that as a general movie go-er and not as a critic or anything, I had a good time at the movie. I literally went in blind, I knew absolutely nothing about the movie. The only thing I had in mind, judging by the name was that I expected it to be a submarine movie in the Pacific.

I could not have been more wrong.

Pacific Rim cuts right to the chase and it's known within the first few minutes what the movie is like and what it's about. Which is good, the movie was already two hours, if they needed to explain the backstory and have them develop the Jaegers then it would've been too long, or needed a sequel, which wouldn't have fit at all.

I can't harp on the beginning too much, it has the standard fare of the main protagonist losing someone dear to him, as a setback and something he needs to overcome later in the movie. I'm glad they didn't really make that the main focus, but more-so just used it as an excuse to work in the girl as his Drift partner. My only complaint about it is, of course, you don't have time to grow a connection with the person who dies so early on in the movie.

The cast was great, consisting mostly of unknown or relatively unknown actors, with some more 'famous' ones getting less important roles. But they all did a great job, if you ask me.

The monster and Jaeger design was great, I loved how every single one of them was different. The Jaegers in the sense of their speciality or fighting style, and the Kaiju in regards to which animal they represented. Some were more obvious than others, but still very great!

I'm not going to nitpick every little thing about the movie, because to be frank, there are quite a few plotholes and just stupid/cheesy things. Or failing those, things that just don't make sense at all. Just enjoy it for what it is, an action packed CGI movie of mechas vs huge aliens.

The soundtrack is amazing, however! It felt proportionally epic with slight changes depending on the scenes, in regards to the 'main' theme it had. Even if you never intend to watch the movie (you should!) get your hands on the OST, it's great.

Overal, I'd rate it a 8 out of 10. If you can, you should watch it, but it will be a forgettable movie by the end of the year, sadly. I've already forgotten most dialogue from it.

Employed unemployment

As the title suggests, I have a job. Catering for a casino. It sounds lovely. You get to dress nice, entertain guests, make food. The good stuff!

Except it's been two weeks and I have yet to be called in for my first day. Which is kind of frustrating. I mean, this has prompted me to look for another job, and when asked "Do you currently work?" I have to fill in yes, but I have yet to set foot in the place or do actual work.

So life has been pretty boring, still. Other than that, the old baby maker is leaving next week, so I'll finally have some quiet time again.

Fireworks of nothing!

So, it's been a while. But fret not, for I still wander this earth!

I guess the main reason I didn't update is because a lot happened and nothing happened at the same time. Certain things happened which made life a bit hectic, but they're not things I wish to share publically. Not yet, anyway.

Other than that nothing really happened. I landed a job as catering staff for a casino, so hoorah for that. Money is always good, right? Right.

My birthgiver is currently also visiting me and has been for a while, which can be quite stressful at times. But you learn to deal with it. I also discovered that headphones help a lot!

That's about it, really. Here's to hoping the next post will be a bit more exciting, eh?

And happy be-lated freedom day, America.

Remember, remember...

As I sat gazing outside of the window last night, I couldn't help but wonder:

"What makes memories so special?"

It's a weird question, no matter how you look at it. You never stop and think about it, do you? Memories. You make them constantly; good ones, bad ones, you even forget most of them. But what causes us to distinguish between certain memories? What makes a certain object more important than another one?

Why is this picture more precious to me than this letter? Why would I easily throw away this store bought card from one person, but not from the other? We don't even stop to think about it, we just know which items are more important to us than others. Why is that?

Is it because of the feelings attached to it? Can we truly remember more than being generally happy or sad when recieving a certain item from someone? Is it because we associate the person with the items they gave? But if so, why don't we treasure everything like hoarders? Certainly almost all the people in your life are important to you?

To give a personal example, I relinquished the things my ex-lady gave me back to her, I regretted it and wished for it back. She wanted to keep a picture of herself and a souvenir she had gotten me. I gave the souvenir back but I fought tooth and nail for the picture. Why? Why does that picture mean more to me than the souvenir?

And the answer is that I don't know.

Doctor Who?

As most Whovians already know by this point, Matt Smith is going to be replaced as the 11th Doctor in the famous show Doctor Who. There seems to be quite a clear divide between fans, with one half going "Damn it, no!" and the other half going "Damn it, no!"

Wait. Did I do my Matt wrong? See what I did there? Right. Moving on.

Anyway, I personally embrace the change. Now, before you start wishing to exterminate me, just hear me out. Smith is a great Doctor, he's not Tennant, but he's brilliant. He brings the show alive with his quirk and the better writing also helps, of course.

But as with time and the show itself, it's constant, flowing and changing. So it's time for a change, 4 years is quite a long time to be a Doctor, and there's only so much longer you can drag it on before people completely resent the idea of ever having a new Doctor at all. Plus, with every new Doctor, it's a good chance to bring in new people to the show.

All in all, I'm for the change of a new Doctor, as long as he's good, of course. I realize everyone (me included) will be upset when they announce it, and we'll all need a couple of episodes upto a season for the new Doctor to grow on us, but we'll all love him. Just like we did with Smith.

"Run you clever boy and remember."

Strapped

So Animecon happened. Well, somewhat. It was only for a day and even then nothing was going on, it was more just sitting and standing around, watching people run around in cosplay. The atmosphere felt different than in the past, not sure why, but I didn't have as good of a time as the previous years. I guess it doesn't help when you're pinching pennies with every purchase you look at during such conventions, either.

I didn't take any pictures of cosplay, I wanted to at certain points but couldn't be bothered. It feels a bit cheap to whip out your phone to take a picture at those kind of events. People--well, most of the people, put in a lot of time and effort into their costumes and props and I whip out my phone because it's the only thing I have on hand.

I did buy this nice Sanji strap, though!

Honest lies

So, the car sale seems to be progressing into its final stages. It's sadly not quite the money I had hoped to get for it, but life is most certainly never fair and you got to play the cards you're dealt. I expect--well, I hope it'll be sold by the end of this week.

On another lighter note, I decided to go a convention tomorrow. I wasn't going to go, at all, due to lack of funds. But life has been dealing me blow after blow, so I figured I deserve a day off, so there's that. Expect pictures! Maybe? Maybe.

And to turn this around for a sec; what makes people lie? And I'm not even necessarily talking about straight-up lying, but just... omitting the truth. I mean, yes, that's technically a lie, but stick with me here. What makes people rather ignore a person, or push them away in desperation/fear/anger/whatever it is rather than just be honest with them?

What good does it do to treat a person that way? And I'm not even talking about the person being treated as such, they can go anywhere from being totally fine with it or broken, depending on how close the two of you are. Is it because it's easier? I can imagine that being a reason, it's easier to push a problem under the rug and just ignore it until it goes away.

But if you care about the other person, doesn't it pain you to lie to them? To see them be hurt about it? I can't imagine a lot of cases where telling the truth would hurt more than just being lied to/ignored constantly.

Well, except maybe the day I found out Santa wasn't real.

A flickering flame in the wind

So not much has been going on the past few days, just the same ol' daily drag. Well, I did put my car up for sale, regrettably. But it's either that or, you know, starve. I like to think that's a pretty clear cut choice when those are your two options.

Last night I got this very weird sense of loneliness when I came home. I have no idea why, it's because the apartment was dark and empty, but that has always been the case. It's not like I was expecting someone to be here, no one has ever lived here with me.

Right. To find the silver lining in this depressing post so far, I've slowly started working towards the Youtube/livestream gig. Starting the livestream is only a matter of finding some time with friends to begin and the rest will slowly go its own way after that initial bump has happened.

Hopefully.