A E I O U

It sure has been quite a bit, hasn't it? So I guess just stay a while and listen.

I wanted to broach the topic of words today. It's been on my mind the last couple of days, because it's a strange thing, isn't it? That humans decided on what to use as words, just a series of sounds strung together. But that they still mean so much, that they can make you feel so much.

Words can make you happy, sad, upset, or anything else, really. It's a very strange thing to think about if you look at it like that. People always say actions speak louder than words, but I believe that words can have more power than actions often of times. That they can have a longer lasting effect, be that positive or negative.

And then there's even the subject of the lack of words. When a person doesn't talk to you, it suddenly hurts. Why is that? We know words can make us feel things, but how come the absence of words can make us feel just as much? We value words very highly, but there's plenty of situations where words aren't necessary to get the message across, or to explain your actions.

Holding your lover in your arms as they cry is a good example for a situation where you don't need to use any words. Giving a smile of appreciation, a nod to a stranger you see on the street, these are all non-verbal ways for us to communicate and where words don't need to be said. And is that because we make up the words in our own head when it happens or is it simply because we understand the actions and intent behind it all?

To change gears a bit, even now, as you're reading this (well, I hope someone at least is!) my words are making you think about things, maybe even making you feel certain emotions as you think back of those scenarios and possible memories and remember how things made you feel.

Words have a very strong impact on people. And the worst of all? You can never take back what you said.

Swelling with...

You know the feeling you sometimes get about someone else? The one that starts from within you, making you swell, and when it does happen, you can't help but let the other person know? Being proud of someone is a very interesting feeling.

What? Did you think I was talking about something else? Pervert.

Anyway, the reason as to why I think it's interesting is because why does it really happen? Usually it comes up in a situation where the other person stepped out of the comfort zone, and did something they usually wouldn't do, right? But why does that makes us feel good? When we feel pride in something we do, it's usually related to an accomplishment or something you feel good about making/doing.

So why, generally speaking, isn't the same applied when feeling proud of other people? It's not an on-going thing, usually. It happens once in the moment when they do it, and generally after that it becomes "normal" for them to do it again. Why is this?

But, to take a step back with this, where does pride come from? Do we feel proud about other's accomplishments because we didn't expect them they could do it, but wanted them to be able to? Is it because we imagine us in their shoes, thus feeling good about ourselves and them? But if it's the former, isn't that technically a bad thing? Because you're expecting them to not be able to do something--shouldn't you always have a positive attitude in regards to what your loved ones can accomplish?

Either way, just another ramble coming from me, I had no idea where I was really going with this. I think I just wanted to make the initial joke with this post.

Looking back

As another year rolls by, it reminded me of how it is to look back on things in life. And not just a year or anything like that, but over a long period of time.

Sometimes, while you're in the moment of something in your life, it feels great. Maybe even shortly after that it can still feel great. We've all experienced this, we all know this too well.

But is that really how things were? Were they really as great as you remember them to be, or is that you just tricking yourself because you don't want to remember things being bad? After all, if you remember things being bad, wouldn't you have sort-of just wasted your time with them? Of course, this mostly applies to things such as school, work, relationships, etc.

I've been personally mulling things over lately, and I've drawn that conclusion. Things weren't as great as they seemed at the time, and it took me a lot of perspective and a fresh breath on things to actually realize that. Now, by no means does this mean nothing was ever good, far from it. It just means that at the end of the day, you want to be happy. And you'll jump through hoops to convince yourself that you are happy, rather than accept facts sometimes.

Or maybe it's that things were never bad? Maybe, just maybe, you move on to a better point in your life and things just seem bad in comparison, because you're used to so much better. A good example of this would be an abusive relationship, or finding a job that you actually love.

Either way, whatever the case may be, cherish the good moments you have but don't hide the bad ones by lying to yourself.

Happy New Year everyone, here's to a better 2013 2014!

Bouncing around

Rebound. Everyone is familiar with that word, be it through their own experience or seeing it happen in front of their eyes. Maybe you've been a rebound to someone before? Either way, it's not a word we're strangers with.

But what does it mean, really? What qualifies someone as a rebound? Is it a time period after your relationship has ended? Is it just the next thing that comes along afterwards? Does it qualify as a rebound if it's not a short fling, though? When does it stop being a rebound and turn into actual affection and a 'real' relationship?

Moreover, when you're in the rebound phase, how can you tell? Does your brain know when you're simply using someone as a rebound? Or are you just blinded by the fact that you miss your old relationship? And if not, if you're totally oblivious to it being a rebound, can it really be called a rebound then? After all, it feels just like the real thing.

And to jump back a tiny bit, let's say the rebound turns into something more than a short fling, and you break up after a year or two, does it still count as a rebound at that point or not?

I think what it comes down to, is after your relationship ends, for whatever reason, you look for a replacement. Any sign of affection from anyone goes straight to the heart and you can't get enough of it. And after a while, you might realize if you two click or not. If you do, it stops being a rebound and a fling, but if it doesn't, it ends, and ends up qualifying as a fling/rebound.

Either way, that's enough rambling for now. Let me know what you think.

The night is dark...

What is it about night time that makes humans think and contemplate?

Now, I'm not talking people who work night shifts exclusively and basically flipped the switch from day to night. But I mean when you can't sleep or just have to stay up late for one thing or another. Hell, even sometimes when just laying in your bed.

Why do we take this time to think about things? To reflect on the past and make plans for the future? But the weird thing about it is, it's generally very serious or gloomy, isn't it? We always think about the life questions, about the scary future or often about the things we regret.

Why is this? Is it because night time makes us assume the world is more depressing? The sun is gone, so the fun must be as well? It's a hard question to answer because there's things such as clubbing that only start once the night hits, so it can't be that. And what about the people mentioned earlier who flipped a switch? Wouldn't they be depressed and serious all the time, then?

Hell, even this post stems from the same problem. It's night time and your mind wanders to all the serious things in your life. One of my favorite activities is to sit on the window sill as music softly plays in the background, cigarette in hand and just looking outside--at life going on.

Remember, remember...

As I sat gazing outside of the window last night, I couldn't help but wonder:

"What makes memories so special?"

It's a weird question, no matter how you look at it. You never stop and think about it, do you? Memories. You make them constantly; good ones, bad ones, you even forget most of them. But what causes us to distinguish between certain memories? What makes a certain object more important than another one?

Why is this picture more precious to me than this letter? Why would I easily throw away this store bought card from one person, but not from the other? We don't even stop to think about it, we just know which items are more important to us than others. Why is that?

Is it because of the feelings attached to it? Can we truly remember more than being generally happy or sad when recieving a certain item from someone? Is it because we associate the person with the items they gave? But if so, why don't we treasure everything like hoarders? Certainly almost all the people in your life are important to you?

To give a personal example, I relinquished the things my ex-lady gave me back to her, I regretted it and wished for it back. She wanted to keep a picture of herself and a souvenir she had gotten me. I gave the souvenir back but I fought tooth and nail for the picture. Why? Why does that picture mean more to me than the souvenir?

And the answer is that I don't know.

Honest lies

So, the car sale seems to be progressing into its final stages. It's sadly not quite the money I had hoped to get for it, but life is most certainly never fair and you got to play the cards you're dealt. I expect--well, I hope it'll be sold by the end of this week.

On another lighter note, I decided to go a convention tomorrow. I wasn't going to go, at all, due to lack of funds. But life has been dealing me blow after blow, so I figured I deserve a day off, so there's that. Expect pictures! Maybe? Maybe.

And to turn this around for a sec; what makes people lie? And I'm not even necessarily talking about straight-up lying, but just... omitting the truth. I mean, yes, that's technically a lie, but stick with me here. What makes people rather ignore a person, or push them away in desperation/fear/anger/whatever it is rather than just be honest with them?

What good does it do to treat a person that way? And I'm not even talking about the person being treated as such, they can go anywhere from being totally fine with it or broken, depending on how close the two of you are. Is it because it's easier? I can imagine that being a reason, it's easier to push a problem under the rug and just ignore it until it goes away.

But if you care about the other person, doesn't it pain you to lie to them? To see them be hurt about it? I can't imagine a lot of cases where telling the truth would hurt more than just being lied to/ignored constantly.

Well, except maybe the day I found out Santa wasn't real.